Is that alright?

•May 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Been trying to write a post for the passed 2 weeks and I just can’t finish it.

Probably means they are words not meant to be read.

Not to be read by you.

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Unsatisfied

•April 16, 2014 • 2 Comments

In less than 2 weeks will be my birthday. Not just any birthday either.
Perhaps its one of the first landmarks that people consider important.
I, always have.

I remember being young and imagining myself at this stage of life.
I also remember the long list of accomplishments I thought I would have met by now.
Most, I have not.

Therefore, here I am, pondering upon the accomplishments I have met :
– College diploma
– Owning my own car

And that it is.
Quite the pitiful list I have going for me.

I thought by this age I would be in the heist of my career. I am currently only at the end of my 3rd year in university.
I thought by this age I would be engaged, even married, and start having children. I am very much single.
I thought by this age I would know myself better, yet I still feel like a total stranger to myself.

Here’s to hoping.

Wandering mind

•April 13, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I hate what feeling lonely does to me.

It makes my mind wander to familiar yet dark places that I’d rather not revisit. For me, when a relationship ends, so does all contact with that person. It’s foolish really. As if I am able to turn the page and start the next paragraph. I often forget all those pages together form my life.

I’m a hopeless romantic, and I always see the good in things. I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to let go. Even now, after going through some of the worse moments in my life that led to some of my previous breakups, I wonder about these people who ended up hurting me in the end. I wonder where they are now, if they are happy and what would have happened if we never broke up.

WHY?

Why does my brain wander to relationships that I was unhappy the majority of the time? It doesn’t help when my brain never shuts the fuck up. There are reasons those relationships with those people did not work.. So why go back?

I think its only because I’m lonely.

We share the same name.

•April 10, 2014 • 2 Comments

And that’s pretty much all we share.

Knowing this, I have no idea why I even attempted to pursue you. Maybe its for the simple fact that you can, so easily, turn on your charm when you need it. Just like your fake dreads, using it like its your superpower. But just like your fake dreads, your charm will not last forever.

Shame on you.
Shame on me, really.

So battered and bruised, wounded as you were 6 years ago. I read once “Be careful when trying to fix a broken person for you may cut yourself on their shattered pieces.” And so I have.

But even while I dripped blood all over your cheap loafers and fancy work jacket that completely clashes your style, you didn’t even budge.

Now look at you.

Covered in my bloodstains, you cant lie any longer.

I’m quite content that our name is all we share.

You don’t know.

•February 25, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I’m terrified of closing my eyes.
Fearing the change will creep up,
And swallow us alive.
Like it has done before.
Forcing us to hold our breath.
As we wait for the change to settle.
Nothing will ever be the same.

You use to be my best friend.
Now you’re the ghost who haunts me.

I hope I’m wrong

•July 17, 2012 • Leave a Comment

So we worked things out the same night I broke up with her. This only happened after we packed up all her things and tore out house apart. We took advantage of empty book shelves and naked rooms; we re-organized our whole apartment.

Its like a new beginning. I’m holding on to her promises and hoping they are truthful and will be real.

I kinda feel like the best has already came, and not about to come… I hope I’m wrong.

Packing up

•July 11, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I just broke up with my girlfriend. In less than one month we would have been together for four years. We’ve been living together for the past three.

I’m heartbroken because I’m loosing our three cats…

I will miss them more than I will miss her.